March 25, 2016

Only Lovers Left Alive

"The heart is a mystery - not a puzzle that can't be solved, but a mystery in the religious sense: unfathomable, beyond manipulation, showing traces of the finger of God at work."  
- Thomas Moore

It all comes in threes. At the height of my awakening, over a three-week span, I endured the loss of my first love, a friend committed suicide and my beloved dog died. I was in the middle of a country and western song. My heart was broken. My mind was fragile. Everything hurt. It certainly wasn't the darkest time of my life, but it was one of them.

And then I fell in love. I cut off all my hair and went blonde. I made a 16mm short film. Love, lightness and creativity. The cycle began again in threes. In hindsight, we can see that endings pave the way for new beginnings, but it's hard to remember that when you're enduring the dark night of the soul.

Right before Johnny Cash started penning my life, I was on the wrong trajectory, pouring my energy into politics and criminal justice while harbouring a terrible secret: I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to write and make films. Now I was no stranger to art and performance, but I had turned away from it at a pivotal point in my life because it lacked (in my opinion) credibility and substance. My intellect outlined the "right path" for me and as I marched to my decided destiny, I was blissfully unaware that I was dying inside. That's not true. I knew I was sick, restless, irritable and discontent. Grief corrected my path. The pain made it impossible for me to disregard the call of my heart, which is why our dark times are an absolute gift. Just don't say that to someone in the midst of it... you could get punched in the face.

Follow Your Heart is probably one of the most cliched sayings we humans have, but great philosophers, scientists and artists have pointed out an important fact: the heart is the centre of our soul. True desires that spring forth are not just passing whims of the ego, but indications of our purpose. Our absolute reason for manifesting on the planet! I vividly remember that moment of clarity when I realized my heart is not this treacherous organ in my chest that makes me *gasp* vulnerable and emotional. My heart is my compass. It is the map and the treasure.

In Tarot, this brings us to The Lovers. It is about our choices, our destiny and the calling of our soul. It's not always about that soulmate connection, but the feeling behind this brings forth many unions and connections that propel us forward. When we follow our compass, we're led to ecstasy. 

I once worked with a gal who had a red ribbon tattooed on her pinky finger. She told me of the "red string theory" - that fate leads us to our heart's true desires by an invisible thread. What is meant for us will draw nearer, no matter where we run to. I love that. Imagine the pull of the fates. It means there are no mistakes, no wrong turns. It means that voice of resistance inside that says this is never going to happen is just the impatient child in the backseat asking are we there yet. 

Recognize the signs that the universe is trying to assist you with your life purpose and soul mission. Look for the numbers, the meanings, the synchronicity. And if you feel lost, get clear, quiet and ask your heart where it would like to be.

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